Ten mistakes not to make in France

I haven’t lived in Paris for over three years without learning a few things. Here are some tips which I have picked up, in some cases the hard way, and I note them here in case they can help anyone not a frequent visitor to France. Some of these I absorbed from reading various expat manuals before I tested them out in real life, but unfortunately I can’t remember which ones in order to give due credit. Let’s just say those books exist for a reason, and I encourage you to buy at least one.  

1.    Don’t order steak tartare. It’s raw meat. You wouldn’t like it. Unless you’re feeling really adventurous. (Note: I like steak tartare. But it took me three years to get around to trying it. And there’s no getting around the fact that it’s raw meat).

1b.   Don't order andouillette. You really wouldn't like it. It's sausage, Jim, but not as we know it. How to describe the taste politely? I can only say that for me it's a little too reminiscent of its intestinal origins. No-one ever likes andouillette - well, except for my Dad, and he's pretty adventurous. But everyone else should leave well enough alone.

2.    Don’t make eye contact on the street or in the metro. Paris is so crowded that personal space starts with ignoring everyone around you. Eye contact is a way of acknowledging the other person. So if you are approached by someone asking for money or trying to sell you something, the most effective way to deal with them is don’t look at them and keep moving.  

What’s more, simply meeting someone’s eye can be construed as flirtatious. This is good if you spot Brad Pitt walking towards you – less good if it’s a staggering drunk with hygiene issues.

3.    Don’t smile at people you don’t know. See above. New Zealanders will do the polite smile in many circumstances, to acknowledge someone on the footpath, to let you jump the queue, or to say thank you – but French people don’t smile as freely, and tend to regard anyone who does as mentally deficient. Besides, if just looking someone in the eye is flirtatious, think what smiling means! Women may get an open invitation for anything from a drink to something more explicit in return. Last time I was walking along the street smiling (to myself, I was happy, it was a side street, very few people around), an Italian man driving along stopped and asked me if I wanted to have a drink with him. Very politely, but even so. Other people have been followed down the street by less attractive and more persistent suitors.

4.    Do say Bonjour when you go into a shop, museum or café. It acknowledges the person that you will be dealing with and puts you on an equal footing. Exactly when to say Bonjour is a difficult decision, which you will learn over time, but usually it will be at the start of the transaction. However, in some circumstances, it will be as soon as you enter the shop – especially if you are browsing. Basically, once you make eye contact, have a ‘bonjour’ ready. And always, always say either “au revoir” or “bonne journée”, or some variation on this when you leave.

5.    Don’t walk out confidently onto a pedestrian crossing unless you see the car stopping first. They do not have to stop by law, and you really don’t want to play chicken with Parisian drivers. Zebra crossings are really just the places where it is legal for you to wait for a gap in the traffic.

6.    Don’t complain about the price of cold drinks. You can buy an Orangina for a euro in the supermarket, but you will pay up to five euros in a café. You are not paying for the drink so much as you are paying rent on the table. And do you have any idea what rents are like in Paris? On the flip side, no-one will hassle you once you have ordered that drink – the table is yours for as long as you like.

7.    Don’t give money to buskers playing in the metro, especially the ones playing accordion. It just encourages them. (This one’s just for my benefit really).

8.    Keep your handbag zipped up on the metro, in museums, and any other crowded public place. I am paranoid, so I keep it zipped at all times. Better safe than sorry.

9.    Don’t buy tickets from anyone in the metro (unless they are behind a counter). A common scam is to buy 10 reduced fare tickets and sell them at full price. You may get fined if you are caught using a reduced fare ticket without good reason.

10.    Keep your metro ticket for your entire trip. You may need it to change from the RER to the metro, and you may also get spot-checked at any time. I was with someone who threw his ticket away five metres from the exit, and had to go back and stick his hand in the rubbish bin right up to the elbow to rescue his ticket and satisfy the controllers. Eewww.

Right, that’s it for starters. Specific tips on cafés and restaurants may follow depending on my motivation.

Last updated: Saturday 7 August 2010